


Little Conversations

by DrDestiel



Series: A little more conversation [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ficlet, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s08e19 Taxi Driver, Sam Knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 04:32:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12523044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrDestiel/pseuds/DrDestiel
Summary: Sam has some questions about Purgatory now that he has been there himself. Some things are not adding up and he figures if Dean won't talk to him he'll go to the only other person who was there.





	Little Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> I am working on a much bigger story set in season 8 and I love to wallow in the Purgatory story...  
> AN: Lyrics and title from Concrete Blonde's Little Conversations

 

 

> "These little conversations  
>  Well for me they'll never do  
>  Now what am I supposed to do with  
>  Broken sentences of you?   
>  I'll stay in my corner 'cause  
>  That's all that I can do  
>  And let the others speak for me.  
>  Little conversations"

 

 

 

 

Sam had just brought Bobby back from Purgatory and something was bothering him. He was distracted at the time but now, now that he had a minute he could think about it.

 

He had been uneasy since they crossed back. He’d felt ambiguous about leaving Benny behind. He didn’t like the guy. He really didn’t get why Dean did.

 

Benny had found him and Bobby merely hours after they popped back from Hell. The place was huge and wild and riddled with monsters and leviathan. But he’d found them quickly.

 

This led to his analytical brain considering Dean’s time there. Why had he been there for a year. A whole year. 365 days and then some. Did Benny have to work that hard to convince Dean of his plan?

 

Dean was the most stubborn son of a bitch he knew- but he knew he would have been eager to get the hell out of there. To get back to Sam. That was always what drove Dean to do anything.

 

Sam had tried to talk to Dean about his time there but he was more tight-lipped about it than he had been about _Hell_. Which was a whole other mystery. Sure, purgatory was no picnic. He had wanted to get the heck out of there as fast as he could. But having been in Hell himself he really didn’t think it was the worst place they’d ever been. _And how wrong was that._

 

So probably not PTSD or whatever. If Dean could open up to him about torturing souls on the rack what the hell happened in that place that he couldn’t talk about?  

This was slowly driving him insane- and he could think of two solutions. Try to drown his questions with whisky -the way he was taught or talk to someone who would maybe tell him?

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was waiting in the shitty bar outside of Lebanon staring into his second glass of Jack.

 _Ok so maybe he was handling this both ways_. Shoot him.

 

 He feels the air shift slightly- his hunter’s senses alerting him to the presence of a non-human. He kicks the chair next to him out in silent invitation.

 

Castiel drops down into it, coat rumpled as ever and his eyes looking suspiciously around before settling on Sam.

 

 “Sam” he says by way of greeting but there is also a question in it. Cas has a remarkable talent for saying so many varied things using just a name. Sam thinks to himself bemusedly- the drink might be getting to him.

\- “ _Why am I here? Where is Dean? Are you alright?_ “all of that summed up in a deep, grumpy “Sam”-

 

“Hey Cas.” Sam replies pointing to his drink- asking his own wordless question.

 

“I will have what he is having” Cas directs at the bartender. A man in his late 50’s wearing a trucker hat and stained shirt who has been eyeing Sam wearily all evening.

 

“What do you need” he directs at the younger Winchester.

 

“I was hoping we could talk.” Sam says emptying his glass and nodding, as the man slides Cas’ drink over, that he’s ready for number 3. He waits as he pours him a double this time and nods back a silent thank you.

 

“About?” is all Cas says before thumbing at the rim of his own glass.

 

“Dean”

 

Cas’ frown deepens “Is something wrong? Is he alright?”

 

“Yeah! No. I mean he’s fine. I just don’t think he’s _ok_.”

 

“What do you mean Sam?” Cas turns to look at him with those serious eyes. He can see the worry there- he didn’t mean to alarm the angel, he is just so literal sometimes that it’s hard to talk to him.

He sighs.

 

“I’m worried about him. Purgatory man, he won’t talk about it. I thought it was cause of you at first, you know. When he thought you died or…” he trails off. “I mean that _was_ what it was. He was drinking a lot- even for him. Talking about you in his sleep. Not sleeping.”

 

“It was rough, but I got it, you know. He thought he failed you. He thought you died again and he wouldn't be Dean if he didn't blame himself for it. I gave him space. I let it go.”

He runs a hand through his hair.

 

“But Cas, you’re back. You didn’t die. And he still won’t talk to me. What happened over there?”

 

Cas just looks at him with his head tilted and a look that says he really doesn’t know what Sam means.

 

“It was a trying time Sam. We had to fight off hordes of monsters- a lot of whom either I or Dean sent there. And of course, the Leviathan. “he breaks his eye contact at that last part. Sam knew Cas was still beating himself up over that. He sometimes wondered who would win the self-loathing contest between his brother and their friend.

 

“Yeah no. I mean I get that. The place was pretty shitty- I remember and I was only there for a few hours.” He takes a big gulp of the room temperature liquid.

 

“The part that has me stumped is this. When me and Bobby popped out it took Benny a few hours to meet up with us. _Hours_ Cas. How come you and Dean were there for a year? A whole damn year. Was Dean that hard to convince? I mean I get it- I still don’t trust Benny. He’s a vamp. But what took so long? And what did they guy do to eventually talk him into it?”

 

Cas looks away again and is quiet for a long time.

Sam starts to think he should say something when he finally whispers “It was my fault Sam. I am sorry.”

 

“What?” Sam asks softly, he can see Cas is struggling with something.

 

“It was me. Your brother is stubborn. I tried to protect him. To lead the leviathan away from him. To keep him safe. But he kept coming. He kept searching. I tried

Sam. I tried so hard.” Cas says in a voice so low that if the bar had had any other customers Sam isn’t sure he would have heard him.

 

Cas tells him about how he had run away from Dean to lure the worst of purgatory after him. Away from Dean. He tells him about how he had to keep fleeing and how the vampire and the hunter would stay on his trail. How they always kept getting closer. How he tried to stay one step ahead.

 

“To keep them away from Dean. That was all I wanted. And I failed.” Cas finishes and Sam feels like the world has shifted.

That the things he thought he knew, things he had been so sure off-it was a revelation. He didn’t know how he had missed it. It made everything slide into place in his head.

 

He understood. He had been so wrong. This wasn't about Benny.

 

He now knew two very important things.

 

He knew Castiel loved Dean.

 

And he knew Dean loved Castiel.

 

And he didn’t quite know what to do with either.

 _“Holy shit”_.

**Author's Note:**

> So if this gets any real attention I have a follow up idea- two more conversations that I could write ...so let me know if you are interested.


End file.
